adios 2019

all in all – it was a good year.

x started kindergarten without incident. I quit a job and started a pretty sweet high paying one. my marriage is at its strongest.

..then we get to health. not mine this time either.. the kids have been constantly sick and I rushed the husband to the ER this summer … before we had the amazing insurance we have now. (still hurts thinking about that ER bill). not much was resolved with that visit and the husband promised to follow up with his primary to see what our next steps would be. I made the appointment .. he couldn’t go for some reason.. he promised he’d reschedule .. he does and goes.. and then NOTHING. no bloodwork. NOTHING. he said doctor didn’t find a reason to do bloodwork since he had it done in the ER MONTHS BEFORE.

I was furious. We had a “discussion” that maybe he needs a chaperone at his next visit. he insists he’s fine or “clean bill of health!” as he told me.

so time passes and the husband keeps having issues.

when he usually gets sick he gets over it within the evening or in a few hours but this time was different. he got sick on me basically the first day of winter break. he didn’t get out of the bed in the morning. he came downstairs a few hours after I’d been up with the kids and immediately went back up to sleep. hours and hours pass and he’s just not feeling better.

8 hours since he first started feeling bad: I pick up some ginger ale and crackers. I try to encourage him to eat something.

10 hours since he first started feeling bad: I finally convince him to call the advice line and they’re convinced it’s the flu. I do my best to bring up all the issues he’s been having but it falls on deaf ears. not to mention that the husband is stubborn as hell and doesn’t want to go in.

12 hours since he first started feeling bad: i go to the pharmacy with the boys and pick up meds.

he takes the meds  … I’d rather not talk about the rest… I’ll never forget it. I swear he was going to die on me. I was absolutely terrified.

I got him a ride to the hospital and he ends up losing his phone in the car so I have no way to get a hold of him. that was another nightmare in itself.. next time (i hope there isn’t one) i’m forcing the kids awake and i’m driving down there.

anyway. the staff was amazing and he received such wonderful care. when we get the survey though I will most definitely complain about the communication or lack there of from the ER (update: i got the survey and i let them have it)

I called numerous times just to see if he made it there and I was either placed on hold (14 minutes one time), hung up on or told “ohhh.. let me get the nurse.” WTF! it sounded like my husband died and no one wanted to tell me!!!

he eventually called me and said that they are going to admit him to the ICU (!!!!!) but “it sounds worse than it is.. I guess they’re worried about my blood pressure or something so they’re going to stick a tube in my throat.” if you know me, you know that i was a respiratory therapist for ten years. ‘tube in the throat’ and ICU are not the words you want to hear. i know what that means. it was confirming my worst fears.

my family rushed down and i was able to go visit him when he was being transferred up from ER to the ICU. i had to wait about half an hour so when i went back to the desk his transfer paperwork was on the counter. his diagnosis was septic shock. i can’t begin to describe the range of emotions that came over me. i didn’t know what state my husband was in. i didn’t know how bad the sepsis was. i didn’t know if he was intubated (tube in the throat) or not. i didn’t know what they had to give him for his blood pressure. i just didn’t know. as they say.. ignorance is bliss.. but not for me and my mind and my background/understanding of medical issues.

fast-forward. so my husband was /is “fine”… we had quite a few rounds of antibiotics and they sent him home with two more. he’s had a few more procedures since but we still don’t have answers or an explanation of what happened. so frustrating. so expensive. so stressful.

i’m just ready for a new year. i’m ready to move on. ready to be a healthy family.


happy 2020.






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